all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
