Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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