is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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