he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
