Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Too much gin, very little bucket
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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