I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
