some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
