Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
