I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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