we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
