Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
