Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my being single is dangerous.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
