Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
