Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
