apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My cat gives me a boner
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
