had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
