Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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