Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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