We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
