Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
