You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
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He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
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Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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