New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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