The brown eye won't let me do that either.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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