Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
