I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize