I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
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Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
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I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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