Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
