Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
MIDGETS
????
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
