i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
