Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
