Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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