I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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