The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
not ubering you a puppy
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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