in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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