If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Come on in and take your pants off
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