You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
