Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
