You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My feet surprised me
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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