mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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