I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
