We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I didn't notice because vodka
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
