I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
