Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
