Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
