Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
