sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize