Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
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It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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