he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.