# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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