There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
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Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
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I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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