Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
