It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
