People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
