How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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