I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
