After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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