if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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