So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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